Fanboys Explained Using Sports

Angry MobOddly enough, this blog has been around for a week now and we haven’t received any angry e-mails. Obviously we’re not doing a good enough job of pissing you off. So, Game Reaver presents an exclusive look into what fanboys are made of. If you don’t agree with us, call 911 and tell them we hurt your feelings. Remember kids, police dispatchers love receiving collect calls.

Cowboys Helmet

First off, we have the Xbox 360 fans. Does the picture on the left remind anyone of them? I’d be willing to bet the vast majority of 360 fanboys are also Dallas fans. Ever feel like jumping ship to the winning team? Hundreds of thousands of people did in the ’90s. When one team starts winning, it’s time to ditch your old buddies and hop onboard. Who needs loyalty when you can pretend to be a winner? It should also be noted this isn’t the first time fanboys have switched consoles/teams, but it is the most recent. Do these people even know Microsoft makes these things? Well, that’s a discussion for another time. For now, it’s content to say the most outspoken fans are the ones who haven’t been around so long. But, you better look out, some of them are warming up to the Wii just like many Dallas fans are edging towards New England.

Ravens Logo

Next, we get to the PlayStation 3 and its fans. Kind of reminds you of the Baltimore Ravens doesn’t it? Just because you come in late and throw a lot of money around doesn’t make you a good team. Sure you’ve got a couple of victories under your belt, but that doesn’t make you respectable. Holding your head up high doesn’t work in this case because everyone else is above sneering down at you. Time to shape up and pay close attention to all these games leaving exclusive agreements and get some of them back. Else, you’ll find yourself in the abandoned section of the stands still reminiscing about the glory days of your team that never was.

Skate Wreck

And finally, we come to the Wii fanboys. In addition to injuring themselves and endangering others around them for their own selfish entertainment, they’re not really gamers. Remind you of something? That’s right, Wii fanboys are like skaters. Think about it…flailing their arms around like that helps keep their balance. But wait, skating isn’t really a sport. That’s okay, because the Wii isn’t really a gaming console. Sure it has dozens of exclusives, but none of those would sell for more than $10 on a real console…just like the majority of their games. But the Wii can do things the other consoles can’t. It can do motion sensing! Oh wait, the PS3 can do that too without having to center the controller every time. It has online content! Oh wait, Xbox Live is years ahead of everyone else. It would make a good doorstop but it doesn’t weigh enough to hold open most doors…unlike my laptop.

Well, it’s been fun folks. I need to go now because there’s a growing lynch mob outside my window and it looks like they’re setting my house on fire. We promise to return to the normal posting of things…unless we continue to not receive any hate mails. Then, I might have to start posting some more flamebait. So before you go, don’t forget to send an angry message to either of us so we can feel at ease. And also don’t forget to call your police dispatcher collect. I hear you get a prize if you’re the fifth caller.

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